Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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