Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
