What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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