Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
