No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
