OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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