did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
