Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
