i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
