i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
