i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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