she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
