I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
