:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
