we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
