And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
