He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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