I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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