You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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