Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
