Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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