At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
one might say we're banned from that church
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize