he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
