I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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