I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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