My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude. I can hear the air.
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