i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
