why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
