I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
