i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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