Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize