Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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