well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
