But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
