I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
