i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
