The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
