Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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