she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
