While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
