i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
