I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
