Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
