It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
