I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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