she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
