My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
