currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
