I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
