I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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