he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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