OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
