apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
