remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
