I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
