He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
