Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
