how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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