yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
