Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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