it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
