dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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